


Buzzword Unanswered

by FlashBastard



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crossover, Demon Shane Madej, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-09-07 07:02:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20305381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlashBastard/pseuds/FlashBastard
Summary: Ryan and Shane decide to investigate A.Z.Fell Book Sellers





	1. Chapter 1

"Today we're going to be investigating A.Z. Fell Book Sellers. The shop was opened in 1800 and there have been some very strange tales coming from it." Ryan said into the camera.

"The owner getting spooked?" Shane asked as he looked at Ryan. Ryan looked at Shane and smiled.

"That's the really weird part. The owner isn't the one making any of the claims."

"So this place might not even be haunted at all. Could just be angry customers trying to give them a bad name." Shane shook his head, ever the skeptic.

"Wait until you hear about everything that's been said to be going on...." Ryan opened his file folder and started to read the reports.

"I can't believe you're actually allowing this." Crowley said to Aziraphale as they waited for the two idiot humans to show up.

"I would rather have them investigate and dispel the rumors of the place being haunted then let it linger. There's actually been an increase in people stopping by because of it and I want it to stop." Aziraphale straightened his tie. He had to put on his best appearance after all. Crowley just rolled his eyes.

"You do realize this is actually going to increase business, don't you? Even if they don't get any evidence, more people are going to want to come here because these two morons were here." He wrinkled his nose. Aziraphale just looked at Crowley for a moment.

"Oh...I hadn't thought of that." He started to panic a little bit. "Perhaps I can cancel..."

"Too late for that." Crowley motioned toward the door and the two men walked in almost immediately after. The shorter one was rather unassuming and actually a little on the adorable side, Crowley decided. He was also someone that could be very easily terrified. Maybe this could be fun. The taller one, though. He was very strange.

"Mr. Fell?" The shorter one said.

"It's Aziraphale, actually." The angel said as he stepped forward and offered a hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"This shop is pretty great." The taller one said. The shorter one nodded.

"I'm Ryan Bergara, this is Shane Madej. And it is a great shop." Ryan said as he looked around. The two of them seemed to be ignoring Crowley's presence entirely.

"Why thank you. I've put a lot of care into it. This is my.... associate Crowley." He indicated the other man.

"Those are some neat shades you got there." The one called Shane said as he looked at Crowley. The demon walked over and looked at Shane very carefully for a moment.

"I knew I recognized you!" He stepped back and grinned. "Shax! What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be on an assignment somewhere in Asia."

"My name is Shane." He said through gritted teeth. "Shane Madej. Normal human being paranormal investigator." He made a motion with his hand for Crowley to drop it.

"Oh right. Yes, my mistake." Crowley said with a wink and then sauntered back toward Aziraphale's desk. Ryan and Aziraphale had both watched the interaction with complete confusion but for utterly different reasons. Aziraphale just assumed that the demon was undercover and Ryan decided that it was just a prank that Shane had set up ahead of time.

"You stated, Mr. Bergara, that you would need the shop unoccupied for the evening?" Aziraphale sounded a little nervous.

"Yes. If that's okay." Ryan was still side eyeing shane.

"Don't worry, angel. I'll stay outside and make sure it doesn't burn down. Again." Crowley said with a grin.

Ryan and Shane exchanged looks and Ryan mouthed "again" before looking back at Aziraphale.

"I promise, we'll be very careful." He smiled. Aziraphale nodded and gave the two men a spare key. 

"Please do. I have some rather rare first editions here I would hate to see damaged." He straightened his waistcoat and looked at Crowley. "Stay out of trouble."

"It's like you don't even know me." Crowley rolled his eyes again as he started to follow Aziraphale out of the shop. His entire intention was to do the exact opposite. Especially knowing that Shax was a part of this. Things were going to be very, very fun for the next few hours.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley has a bit of fun.

It started off simple enough. Crowley just kept himself invisible and made his way slowly and quietly around the bookshop, watching the two of them ask they investigated. 

"There's a rumor that the same guy has been running the shop since it opened." Ryan said as they moved around the shop. 

"But he'd be over two hundred years old." Shane said incredulously. 

"I know, it's crazy. The weird thing is, I can't find any pictures of the original owner and the property hasn't changed hands since it was first purchased." Ryan kept looking around, keeping his eyes open for anything suspicious. 

"That's kinda spooky." Shane said in response. They had been told that they were not allowed to go to the flat upstairs. Aziraphale was the only one that went up there and there had been absolutely no activity of any kind.

"Alright, let's do some EVP work." Ryan said as he stopped in the back room. Crowley grinned. He'd seen some of the other ghost hunter shows. He knew what was going to happen now. Ryan turned on his tape recorder and started asking questions. 

"Is anyone here with us?" Ryan asked. Crowley made his way over close to the recoder, looking up at the both of them. 

"Yes." He whispered. 

"Did you die on this property?" Ryan asked. 

"Yes." Crowley replied again. He was trying very hard not to giggle. He did stand up and wave a hand in front of Shax's face but the demon seemed not to notice him. Apparently possessing a human limited his ability to see other demons. 

"Let's listen and see what we've got so far." Ryan said and rewound the tape, pressing play. When it got to Crowley's first yes, Ryan almost actually squeaked and Shane just rolled his eyes. 

"It didn't even sound like a word." He said. 

"That was a very clear yes, how can you say it wasn't?" Ryan glared at Shane. 

"I'm just saying it didn't sound like a yes to me." Shane shrugged. With the second yes, Ryan's eyes got wide and this time Crowley did laugh. And apparently Ryan heard him because he went completely still and almost as white as Aziraphale's wings. 

"Did you hear that?" Ryan asked, eyes moving around as his head stayed perfectly still. 

"That laugh? There are people walking around outside, you know?" Shane shook his head again. 

The night went on like that. Crowley continuing to add to the EVP evidence, Ryan freaking out and Shane pretending that none of it was real. They'd gotten Aziraphale to agree to let them sleep in the shop so they could get more evidence. They rolled out sleeping bags and curled up for the night. Crowley went back outside and sat on a bench across the street so he could look at the shop. After about an hour, Shax came out of the building and practically ran across the street. 

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He asked Crowley, crossing his arms and glaring at him. 

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, Mr. Madej." Crowley said with a grin. 

"You are going to give that human a heart attack, and a lot of anxiety if you don't leave him alone. And besides, I don't think the angel will take too kindly to you pretty much proving the book shop is haunted." Shax raised an eyebrow. 

"That human can withstand a lot more than you realize." Crowley shook his head. "And I can handle the angel. You don't worry about that." He grinned up at Shax. "I am curious about why you're doing this, though. What is so exciting about possessing a human and pretending to investigate for ghosts?" 

"My job is to make sure that he doesn't actually find any evidence. Kind of warn the local demon population to steer clear of him. That kind of thing." He shrugged. 

"Why does head office care about that?" It didn't make any sense to Crowley at all. 

"They think that if humans find out that demons actually are real, there'll be the whole summoning us to do their bidding and all of that and they're trying to avoid that. It's a lot of paperwork." Shax shrugged. 

"Oh, well. Point there, yeah." Crowley nodded. "You should probably get back inside before somebody figures out that you're out here talking to me instead of in there asleep." 

"I'm going. Just.....back off, okay? Let's get through the rest of the night without incident." Shax started to cross the street. 

"I can't make any promises." Crowley called after him. What neither of them noticed was the camera man who woke up shortly after Shane left the building and filmed the entire conversation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little flashback and then something happens to the camera man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently rewatched the Sallie House episode and got a little inspired.

Flashback 2016

Going into the church had been hard enough for Shax. Fortunately the human he was possessing made it possible, but he had to try very hard not to flinch. He had to pretend that being in the presence of the priest wasn't an issue for him. He literally cringed as the man blessed the bottle of water that Ryan was carrying. He made sure that Ryan labeled the bottle so he wouldn't accidentally drink the holy water. 

What Ryan didn't know was that Shax managed to contact the demons that infested the Sallie House. There were actually four demons that lived on the properly currently, all of them invisible to the human eye. He was going to have a lot of fun with Ryan at that location. He'd gotten special permission from Beelzebub herself to show the existence of those specific demons. 

"If you want to eat my heart, turn the light on." He said and laughed when the flashlight turned on and Ryan actually screamed like a girl. He, of course, could see the demons manipulating the flashlight. None of the humans could. The whole night was perfectly hilarious as far as Shax was concerned. He was pretty sure that Ryan literally shit himself at one point. It was definitely a very entertaining evening for the demon. 

2019

"Ryan, Ryan! You have to watch this." The camera man said as they were packing up their gear. 

"See what?" Ryan asked, looking at the camera man like he had a second head. He looked around to make sure that Shane wasn't anywhere near them. He handed Ryan an earbud that was plugged into his camera and then pressed play. The whole thing played out on the little view finder and Ryan just watched it, completely amazed. 

"What do you think?" The camera man asked. Ryan pulled the earbud out of his ear and looked at the camera man for a moment. 

"So how long ago did you and Shane set this up?" Ryan asked with an eyebrow. 

"What are you talking about? Dude, this is real." The camera man said. 

"Yeah, okay. Shane's a demon. Ha ha." Ryan shook his head and just got back to work packing up. The camera man turned and Shane was standing right behind him. 

"Hey there, buddy. Whatcha got there?" He asked as he grabbed the camera to look at the footage. "Think we could have a little talk about this over there?" Shane pointed to a room off to the side. 

"Um....sure...." The camera man said. They went into the room for a few minutes and then came out again. When they did, the camera man's eyes were a little glazed over and Shane tucked the memory card into his pocket. 

"Hey, we're missing a memory card." Ryan said as he looked through everything when they got back to their office. 

"Are we? Huh." Shane said, looking around with Ryan. "Oh, wait." Shane pulled the memory card out of his pocket and handed it to Ryan. "Charlie asked me to look after that." 

"Oh, okay. Cool." Ryan took the memory card and started going through everything. He noticed that the footage just kind of cut off in a strange place, like part of the memory card had been erased. 

"You didn't do anything to this, did you?" Ryan asked. 

"No, why?" Shane pushed his glasses up. Of course he'd deleted the footage of himself talking to Crowley. That didn't need to get out there. 

"It just stops in a weird place, that's all." Ryan shrugged. He was still in the process of reviewing the footage from that night when Margaret came to the office door. 

"Hey, did you guys hear about Charlie?" She asked as she looked at the two of them. 

"No, what happened?" Ryan asked. Shane appeared completely uninterested. 

"He quit. No notice, nothing. Just said that he couldn't work here anymore and left. I guess whatever happened at that bookshop really got to him." She shrugged. "He said something about a monastery......." 

"That's really weird." Ryan furrowed his brow. 

"Well, I hope he's okay." Shane said with absolutely no inflection at all. Margaret just nodded and then walked away. Ryan looked at Shane for a long time. The footage that Charlie had shown Ryan of Shane talking to that guy Crowley was missing and now Charlie was quitting and going to a monastery. He had some serious investigating to do on his own.


End file.
